


Sombre Spirals and Distressed Dusk

by AzuleOpal



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander is a Good Boyfriend, Anxiety, Bittersweet, But he's also broken, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy birthday hamburr_fangirl!, He's strong for Aaron though, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 10:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13949601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuleOpal/pseuds/AzuleOpal
Summary: Aaron suffers from depression. Alexander shows him his love and helps him through it.(Told from Alexander's point of view)Based very heavily on Dark Circles And Anxious Nights by hamburr_fangirl.





	Sombre Spirals and Distressed Dusk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamburr_fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr_fangirl/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dark Circles and Anxious Nights (How Much Longer Do I Have to Do This?)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245804) by [hamburr_fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr_fangirl/pseuds/hamburr_fangirl). 



> I really wanted to write this for quite a while. All these hamburr stories are in collectively called Book of Hamburr (but the Collection itself was being wonky) and they are the reason I haven't posted in so long. But hopefully, it was worth the wait!

Alexander is sitting in his office, unfocused eyes staring at his computer screen, thinking. 

He knows his boyfriend suffers from depression. Alex himself sometimes feels the same, or at least similarly. But he knows he needs to push past the doubt, push himself further, keep himself together. For Aaron's sake. For both their sakes. 

He wishes desperately for a way to take away Aaron’s pain. Take away his depression, take away his anxiety. Yet he can't. The fact hurts. Alexander feels that he fails Aaron every time the other has an especially bad episode, because there is nothing Alexander can do. He's helpless. He hates it.

Suddenly, Alexander hears a sob from the direction of the bedroom. His heart breaks at the sound. It must be his beautiful, perfect broken boy having yet another episode while Alex is sitting and thinking. He feels a pang in his chest. Why can't he be a good enough boyfriend to be there for Aaron when he needs him most? 

Alexander blocks out the thought, knowing that Aaron needs him to stay strong. He won't let him down this time.

He logs off the computer quickly, then tip toes towards the bedroom where Aaron is suffering alone, and shouldn't be.

He reaches the door and slowly opens it, light from behind him pouring in, showing Alexander the small, curled up figure of his beautiful broken boy.

“Aaron…?” Alexander says softly. Aaron tenses and Alexander feels his chest clench in sadness. His poor Aaron must be really suffering, if he's behaving this way. He's probably thinking about some non-existent flaw he thinks he has. 

That thought pushes Alexander to climb into bed with Aaron, seeking to comfort his lover. He watches him, taking in his pained appearance, memorising every teardrop, every wrinkle between Aaron’s scrunched eyebrows, every angle in the down turned shape of his mouth.

Aaron lets out a sob and Alexander looks at him with concern and sympathy. He really does care for this boy, this precious, shattered soul that has made Alexander’s life worth living. 

He reaches out and places his hand gently over Aaron trembling one. 

“Is this okay?” He asks in a gentle whisper. Aaron doesn't reply, but gives his hand a tight squeeze. It's enough for Alexander, who wraps an arm loosely around Aaron carefully as though he may break if not touched gently.

Aaron sobs again and takes a handful of Alexander's shirt. Alexander holds him, letting Aaron get all his emotion out. He'd stay there all night with Aaron if he needed. Without hesitation. He would go to the end of the world for him.

Aaron sobs into Alexander's shirt and Alex holds him silently, holding him together with loving arms he wishes Aaron knew he deserves. No, Aaron deserves somebody who could actually take care of him. Someone who- Alexander stops himself. He needs to be strong. For Aaron.

After a what must have been a few hours at least of exhausted sobbing, Aaron is now just sniffling, tears running down his smooth chocolate skin Alexander loves so much.

Aaron tries to pull away, but Alexander can tell he is still fragile. He pulls Aaron closer instead. 

“Aaron,” He whispers, “It's not your fault.” He kisses Aaron's head gently. “I love you.”

That seems to set Aaron off, he's crying again, but Alexander doesn't shush him, he's silent, just holding Aaron. He knows that this is what Aaron needs. He needs Alexander to be strong for him, to keep him together in the safe circle of his arms. He needs someone who can protect him from his own thoughts.

“You're beautiful,” he whispers into Aaron’s skin. “So perfect.”

Aaron shakes his head and Alexander feels heartbroken. He hates that Aaron can't see past his own broken shell into the beauty within. 

“I love everything about you.” Alex continues quietly. “I love your voice, your eyes, your personality. I love how you keep me from going too far, how you protect everyone you care about. I love how you're so kind and gentle.” 

He feels his heart ache when Aaron shakes his head. He needs to see Aaron's face, to really get the message through to him. 

He lifts Aaron's face gently, tilting it up to look him in the eyes. He studies Aaron, studies the familiar angles and curves of his cheekbones and jaws, the light in his beautiful dark eyes.

“N-No…” Aaron whimpers quietly, not looking Alexander in the eyes. Alexander feels he’s failing Aaron, but before he drowns, he needs to make sure Aaron stays afloat.

“It’s all true, Aaron,” He says. “You’re beautiful. You’re the perfect person. You're loved and cherished. You're worth the world."

But Aaron doesn’t seem to agree. “I’m not, I’m not!” He cries desperately.

"I wish I could chase those voices in your head away. I wish I could banish them forever and show you how loved you truly are." Alex says, kissing Aaron’s trembling lips softly. "I wish I could rid you of your depression and anxiety forever. I wish I could undo all the damage this world has done to you, Aaron. I wish I could make you understand how perfect, how loved you are. I wish I could show you your worth." Alexander whispers softly. He continues to do so for hours to come, whispering sweet nothings of truth into Aaron’s ears, sighing softly to himself when Aaron stops crying and simply curls up closer to him. 

He smiles when Aaron falls asleep on him, staying with him until morning, holding him tightly, protecting him from the world.


End file.
